What to do with gratitude?

At the suggestion of my sister, I have been reading Braiding Sweetgrass. There is so much that I have loved about this book, but here is one quote I have been pondering:

“What is the duty of humans? If gifts and responsibilities are one, then asking “What is our responsibility?” is the same as asking “What is our gift?” It is said that only humans have the capacity for gratitude. This is among our gifts.”

This week we have been showered with gifts.

On Monday (a day I’ve been dreading because Gideon had to start back at school and I knew that might be hard for him), someone rang our doorbell. I was so surprised by the rarity that I assumed it couldn’t actually be our door until my friend Alysa said, “Aren’t you going to answer that?” I opened the door to a postman with a large box.

When we opened the package later with Gideon, we found all our favorite American goodies: peanut butter, hot sauce, “normal” deodorant, and Gideon’s favorite: Mac and Cheese (he literally screamed when he saw it)! Along with the goodies were cards from all our lovely friends in Ohio. Each letter was a warm reminder of the many friendly faces cheering us on. It was just the best way to start the week and transition back to school.

Tuesday, I went for an early morning run. It was delightful to get to start the day out in the dark and quiet, but on my return, I climbed up to our door and knocked multiple times without answer. I started getting frustrated at Benjin (who I knew was awake). I knocked a little harder and more insistently. Finally, the door opened and exposed my concerned older downstairs neighbor standing there in her nightclothes! I looked down to realize I was on the 4^th rather than the 5^th floor. Humiliated, I just kept saying, “je suis désolé! je suis très désolé!”over and over. I am grateful for kind and forgiving neighbors.

That afternoon Gideon and Pierce and I went to the zipline park for lunch. It was perfect weather and so fun to see the boys play together. That evening Benjin went to a Spanish FHE meeting, and I stayed home and gave myself a haircut… yikes!   

Wednesday, we made our way back to the Nation market to again search out the umbrella man. This time he was there!! Gideon was stoked. He picked out an awesome spiderman umbrella and happily handed over his 10 euros. We were so grateful for the umbrella man’s timely return! On top of that, we came home to a letter in the mail from the family renting our house in Columbus. They sent us some hand pressed leaves from the tree in our backyard. It was such a beautiful way to help us get a taste of home. 

Later that afternoon we met up with our friend, Roselyne,  from the ward who took us on the metro downtown to show us “les passages couvert de Paris.” She guided us down some of the loveliest passageways in all of Paris. It feels like you have stumbled upon a few secret streets that grant access (via wormhole) into the Belle Époque. She bought treats for my boys at one of the little candy shops and at Galeries Lafayette, she bought Gideon one of the most beautiful pain au chocolates I’ve ever seen.

Thursday, Pierce got some one-on-one play time at the park as well as snuggle time at home. He LOVED it. He is such a good boy. He laughs easily and is incredibly curious. He loves to explore the world and discover all the amazing things his body can do. While playing at home we heard a clomping sound and hurried to the balcony to catch the last glimpses of our equestrian police making their rounds (closely tailed by a large bus.) Pierce was enthralled. Isn't France fun?!

Friday was rainy and we debated between just staying home and watching a movie or venturing out in the cold rain. But, we ultimately decided to make our way to Chinatown. Talk about inception! It was a foreign world inside a foreign world!! It was wild. We found a little restaurant that had ducks hanging in the window and was packed with people. We took both to be good signs and eventually convinced them to give us a table. Gideon was initially pretty upset about the fact that one of the few times we go to a sit-down restaurant we are ordering duck, but after getting up the gumption to give it a go, he determined that he really liked all the food, and he was so proud to tell anyone who would listen that he had tried the duck! We are grateful for chances to try new things!

Saturday was our ward temple trip. So, we hopped on the metro and rode to a train station. There we met up with a bunch of our ward members who were also headed to the temple. We rode the train together and then all hopped on a bus where we met more ward members. Our continually growing temple-going posse then walked up the street from the bus stop and make our way onto the temple grounds where we were welcomed by countless more ward members. It was amazing to journey together, and all arrive at the same special place. Benjin and I got to do baptisms for some family names (that I have been wanting to do since 2020!) and Gideon and Pierce got to participate in a Primary activity in the hostel cafeteria part of the temple. We relished in the peace of getting to actually both be in the temple at the same time and came back to find two happy boys running around with the rest of our happy ward family. We are so grateful for temples and for the power of a unified ward.

I have been overwhelmed this week by the generosity of so many. Those who have gifted us their time, talents, forgiveness, money, thoughts, etc. It has make me think. 

What are we supposed to do with gratitude? If we are angry, we can punch a pillow. If we’re happy, we can dance. If we are sad, we can down a bucket of ice cream or ask a loved one for a hug. But, what do we do when we feel grateful? Say thank you? Write a card? Make cookies? I have found that often my first inclination is to attempt to "repay" the generosity. Lots of times I jump so quickly to trying to repay the kindness that my gratitude somehow morphs into guilt. Somewhere along the road of trying to express my gratitude, I have turned a gift into a transaction (something I need to pay for). I hope I can get better at sitting with the gratitude. I hope I can spend more time thinking and less time doing. More time feeling loved and less time evading guilt. 

Don't get me wrong, I certainly believe there is room for thank you cards, but as Robin Wall Kimmerer, the author of Braiding Sweetgrass, says, “Paying attention is a form of reciprocity with the living world, receiving the gifts with open eyes and open heart.”

Loads of love and gratitude, 

La Famille Facer